Eating With Empathy

I used to say "I'm not a vegangelist" - or vegan-evangelist. I don't believe in evangelizing my religion, so why would I with my diet. I've known vegangelists, and they've bothered me to the ends of the leafy leafy earth. People whose "wise-guy" quips at the dinner table have left me sheepishly whispering to the other horrified diners "we're not all like that!"

And it's true, guilt-tripping and self-gratifying a vegan/vegetarian diet doesn't help spread the word. It doesn't attract people to the cause or cultivate interest, let alone empathy, if anything it paints a picture of priggish individuals viewing themselves as saintly.

So, no, I'm not exactly a vegangelist, but I've changed my mind on being "modestly dignified" about being vegan because the secret is...there's nothing to be modest about. Oh I'm flattered whenever someone comments on my "sacrifice for animals" or lauds my "self-control". Playing a martyr won't ever not be fun, but being a vegan/vegetarian isn't martyrdom, it doesn't require such sac-ri-fice, it doesn't feel abstinent and you really, really don't need iron will (or even iron supplements, for that matter). I would know.

In fact it's quite the opposite. My gosh, it's a relief. There is so. much. shame when it comes to food. The emphasis for these issues is understandably focused on women but men have been prescribed "right" ways to eat, to enjoy and regard food, too. What everyone, and I mean every human has experienced in regards to food, is self-loathing. You don't have to have struggled with an eating disorder to have hurt yourself with food. What you eat, when, how much, in what context, it's shame and regret and disgust.

Empathy, however, is a double-edged gourd. With all this food-frustration, vegan eating is focused around empathy. Just maybe, if you eat in a way that practices compassion towards other animals, it'll make it just that much easier to reflect that practiced-compassion back to yourself. Eating with compassion begets eating with compassion. And right now, let's make it very clear that 'The Vegan' hasn't mastered food. There's this idea that vegans have incredible self-control and have really won the whole "nutrition" puzzle and that they can really CHEF it out in the kitchen. I can say with absolute confidence that all that is False. Since I've been vegan, and certainly since I've been vegetarian, I've both grossly over-eaten and dangerously under-eaten, and this year I haven't used the fancy-spankin-new kitchen of my new pad once.

And have you noticed the trend? Gosh it's so exciting, vegan dishes are more mainstream and lazy-friendly than ever. Even BURGER KING has hopped on board with the popular "Impossible Burger". (and if you haven't taken a look-see at Taco Bell's vegan options, please talk to me).

Veganism doesn't ask for your perfection, it doesn't ask you to perfect and commit to the elusive art of meal-prepping or to grow your own lush oregano and tomato plants or to buy all-organic or sheesh, hand-dye all your hemp-clothes and replace every cosmetic product you've ever owned with coconut oil and rose water. Veganism invites your 2 am chip-binges and your messy Monday morning leftovers-breakfast and your sugary Starbucks drinks and your crappy kitchen. Because in a world of shame and self-loathing and frustration around food, it can be one, simple, much needed aspect of empathy. Veganism, much like religion, asks you to come as you are; messy, chaotic, busy, imperfect, but most importantly, hungry for something more.




And one more thing, goodness, it certainly isn't all salad.

Hobbes and his Toxic Circle

I don't mean to come right out and say that Hobbes didn't have friends. In fact I've never even taken PHIL 101, so I'm especially unqualified to make that claim. Maybe it's that he didn't have good friends. How else could you come up with that "humans are inherently selfish" business?

It's not that it's a far-fetched ideology at first glance. It's explains war pretty nicely, simply. It helps us understand all kinds of humanity's twisted motives. It checks out, on a lot of fronts. But I don't believe it because I've met my friends.

It's true that friendships are, a lot of the time, mutually beneficial. You care for each other, of course. But how. many. times. have my loved ones cared for me in ways I can never repay. Oodles, easily. Would I do the same for them? Gosh I hope so. But that's not why they do it.

Among the most delightful things is realizing your own selflessness. In David Sedaris' (paraphrased) words "one of the best things in the world is feeling so proud of someone that you think you might burst". When you watch a loved one excel and you're suddenly aware of your body's minute capacity to hold in your pride, that's proof of your selflessness there. Just observing their brilliance is a rush. Feeling that you're capable of this, just pure well-wishing, that's exhilarating and fresh, enchanting and Godly.

Did Hobbes have kids? From my quick Google search, no. I'm not surprised because there's far more than procreation to that relationship. Never in a million years could we repay for good parenting.

I think it's too bad Hobbes didn't branch out a little more, read up on toxic relationships, maybe try a hobby-based meetup or bookclub. No doubt Leviathan would've read a little differently if he had.