In my last post, I focused on the special occasion that is today, the day before the first day back at school. For the past two years, while this day has held a great deal of uncertainty, I have always had some idea or expectation, an approximate mindscape-synopsis of what the year might look like or entail. Two years into this operation however, and I finally know better. I can finally throw up my hands and declare my predictions futile, because if I've learned anything these past two years of college (other than the necessity of a good microwavable bowl) it's that I will absolutely, 100% guaranteed, be totally shocked.
I will enchant myself with my capacity to admire, love, and communicate with others or to find myself on the opposite shore of frustrating situations. I will horrify myself with my potential to hurt, regret, and reject people, actions, and opportunities. I will, day after day, find myself sitting or standing or walking (seldom running) thinking, "if you told me a year ago today....." and shaking my head in disbelief, whether smiling or in tears.
Today feels like being pulled to the extreme end of a pendulum swing, not with a clean slate but carrying all the lovely and ghastly results and residues of last year, with no idea where I'm about to be launched knowing only that it's just about to be released into motion, or begin to be.
I hope you too, whatever transitional or stagnate situation you read from now, can feel the two-way pull of whatever's next. The limitless potential containing heaven and hell, fueling a desire to always be adjusting, adapting, improving, revising, while encouraging you with the mystery of unbelievable value, hardly digestible for its unexpected goodness. There's no doubt that even when you're absolutely sure nothing is moving, you'll find a shocking change somewhere and at some point.
I'm excited to watch and feel old issues disintegrate and both anxious and curious to see the new ones that burgeon. Knowing I'll be both distraught and delighted beyond what I can fathom, wholly uncertain but full of faith that the delight will, eventually, outweigh the disaster. Here goes, here's to nothing, long story short, cheers and good luck!
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Happy New Year's Eve
This sunny August day, I'm quietly observing New Year's Eve. I, like many people currently or recently participating in the standard school-year-summer-break system, have never actually felt that January 1st marked the beginning of a new year, far from it.
Winter break, which has encompassed Christmas and New Year's since the beginning of elementary school, was just that, a break. We returned to the same classroom, same desks, same teacher, same classmates, same after school routines, more or less. But the first day of the school-year was the real new beginning, a different chapter or season, a clear new compartment of our lives. I refer to both last October and last January as "last year". The three months of summer are a vague, timeless, no-man's land, claiming "this year" or "last year" depending on how long ago they were at the time I'm speaking, and without any concrete beginning or ending day. My last day of class might occur several days before returning to Tennessee, so the "end of the year" might occur when I walk out of the last exam, or close my old apartment door for the last time, when I say " 'til next year" to the last college friend, or maybe when the plane takes off or when it lands or when I de-board.
But the first day of class is the clearest moment of annual transition I, and surely many of my peers, have actually been able to experience. The one place where we could confidently expect our producers to distinguish a new season. Across the globe, on different dates in different months, and in every grade, the day before the first day of the school-year kids and adults go to sleep privately and universally knowing they'll wake up in what could for all we know be a new dimension.
I have a lot to say about what this particular New Year's feels like, halfway (hopefully) through college, but I'll save that for the next post. If you go to Chapman University, then we're observing the holiday together, if not, from my NYE today to yours when/where-ever it falls, Happy New Year's Eve.
Winter break, which has encompassed Christmas and New Year's since the beginning of elementary school, was just that, a break. We returned to the same classroom, same desks, same teacher, same classmates, same after school routines, more or less. But the first day of the school-year was the real new beginning, a different chapter or season, a clear new compartment of our lives. I refer to both last October and last January as "last year". The three months of summer are a vague, timeless, no-man's land, claiming "this year" or "last year" depending on how long ago they were at the time I'm speaking, and without any concrete beginning or ending day. My last day of class might occur several days before returning to Tennessee, so the "end of the year" might occur when I walk out of the last exam, or close my old apartment door for the last time, when I say " 'til next year" to the last college friend, or maybe when the plane takes off or when it lands or when I de-board.
But the first day of class is the clearest moment of annual transition I, and surely many of my peers, have actually been able to experience. The one place where we could confidently expect our producers to distinguish a new season. Across the globe, on different dates in different months, and in every grade, the day before the first day of the school-year kids and adults go to sleep privately and universally knowing they'll wake up in what could for all we know be a new dimension.
I have a lot to say about what this particular New Year's feels like, halfway (hopefully) through college, but I'll save that for the next post. If you go to Chapman University, then we're observing the holiday together, if not, from my NYE today to yours when/where-ever it falls, Happy New Year's Eve.
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